Power struggles can happen at any stage of a relationship. I often hear couples tell me that one or both of them is stubborn, that they dig their heels in, each feels they are right and determined to stand their ground.
You may feel your partner is becoming stubborn about issues for no apparent reason, or taking over, wanting things all their own way.
Or maybe you feel they always want the last word and the final decision.
This leads to arguments over just about everything and anything, and they can be really petty.
“Don’t move my things.”
“It’s your turn to load the dishwasher – I did it last time.”
What you argue about isn't the issue, it's the principle of BEING RIGHT!
When one digs in their heels, the other one is likely to do the same, and you have a stalemate, with each of you feeling powerless in the relationship, just not knowing which way to turn, but needing to try to exert your power over the other, having that last word - standing your ground. Instead of resolving the situation, feelings of being bullied, and ruled by an emotional dictator start to emerge.
This can lead to one or other withdrawing physically and emotionally, and becoming cold towards each other. You have become disconnected and you may start wondering why you are with the other person.
Bitter arguments become common, often with neither of you recalling what the initial argument was about. It all seems quite pointless and draining. Feelings and thoughts about leaving the relationship arise because you can’t stand the rows anymore.
You have had enough, and you wonder where the person you fell in love with has gone!
Let's stop and look at what is really going on here.
What is the real underlying issue here? Start by examining what you are really feeling.
Do you feel insecure in the relationship?
Are you fearful that your partner will leave you?
Do you feel undervalued?
Do you lack self-esteem?
You really need to search within yourself to discover those underlying issues rather than putting the blame on your partner. Because the things you are arguing about are more likely to be a symptom and not the cause.
DO YOU WANT TO BE RIGHT OR DO YOU WANT TO BE HAPPY?
Before you, high tail it out of the relationship, take a step back, and then sit down and talk to each other, when you are both calm.
You need to have a calm conversation because trying to talk to each other when emotions are running high will only lead to more disagreements. Put down your weapons and listen to each other.
Because it’s important to discover why you and your partner are upset or annoyed about things as well as understand any underlying issues that are going on.
Explain to your partner what your underlying concerns are, and if you are unsure, then explore them together.
Only by talking to each other openly and honestly will you resolve matters. It can be really hard at times to open up and be vulnerable. Too often we are told being vulnerable is a sign of weakness. In actual fact, it takes a huge amount of courage to admit and then show your vulnerability.
So be kind and compassionate to yourself and your partner.
If you are still struggling to resolve the problem, and need some help and support, then get in touch. I offer a Free 30-minute Discovery call. Here is the link