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A relationship is about two imperfect people each doing their best

Relationships are not always plain sailing. Life can be really busy and stressful, trying to juggle so many things. So, it's no wonder that at times tensions build and you find yourselves not knowing how to deal with it all.

Life events outside of your control can create a strain on even the strongest partnership. They can include serious ill health, redundancy, financial issues, and blended families. The list is endless. 

However hard you try to resolve the issues, it just seems to end up in arguments, or standoffs. Communication has broken down, and you wonder whether its worth it. But you have invested so much in this relationship and you are reluctant to give up.

If sounds like you, don't leave it in the hope it will resolve itself. 

Book a call now to see whether I'm the right person to help you.

'Thank you for last night's session. You provided a kind and gentle space, and lots of listening. You also managed a tricky start very well. I am very happy that xxxx felt it okay to talk. He was very uncomfortable about coming and I admire him for doing so. I also know that he wouldn't hesitate to walk out at any point'. Pauline

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Whether it's lack of communication or miscommunication, this is one of the biggest causes of arguments and misunderstandings. Either because you aren't fully listening to each other, or because you misunderstand each other. So checking your understanding of what your partner has said can stop arguments.. 

How do you Communicate your Love for Each Other?

We each have our own Love Language, that is how we give and receive love, and it may not be the in the same way as each other. They are - 

  • Acts of Service

  • Quality Time

  • Receiving Gifts

  • Words of Affirmation

  • Physical Touch

If you don't know which yours are, you can take the quiz here - 

You and your partner can each take the test independently and then compare them. You may be surprised by the answers. 

We all have baggage we've collected along the way and unfortunately, it can affect our relationships.

Childhood Trauma

Sadly, there are those who have experienced trauma in childhood leaving them with mental scars from physical, emotional or sexual abuse. These unhealed wound can continue to affect them and their relationships into their adult life.

These traumas can be the result of  -

  • intentional violence—such as physical or sexual abuse

  • domestic violence

  • natural disaster

  • accidents

  • war.

  • painful medical procedures

  • the sudden loss of a parent/caregiver..

The Effects of Childhood Trauma on Relationships can be Devastating

Whilst desperately seeking the love, security and reassurance they may have lacked as a child, it can also feel very scary to allow themselves to be vulnerable and permit the very things they crave into their lives. 


The concerns that arise are often around -  

  • Being unable to trust

  • Feeling unworthy of being loved

  • Viewing intimacy as dangerous or unpleasant

Often it can feel almost impossible to make sense of feelings and responses, let alone being able to share them with with a partner.

However loving that relationship may be there are times when those unhealed traumas can cause negative reactions that have nothing to do with their partner.

Below are some of the resulting reactions - 

  • Extreme reactions to common relationship issues

  • Withdrawal or distant, unresponsive behaviour

  • Inability to talk through issues in a calm way,

  • Fear of conflict

  • Flaring into uncontrollable rage.

  • Belief their partner will abandon them, which can result in controlling behaviour towards their partner.

  • Sexual difficulties

  • Difficulty in accepting love

  • Doubts around partner’s fidelity

Often, neither the survivor nor their partner can understand why it still affects them.

Comments such as those below are frequently made -

  • 'This trauma happened so long ago why does it have an affect now?'

  • 'Get over it, just move on!'

  • 'It’s all in your head'

  • 'I just don’t get it'

  • 'Why me and why now?'

  • 'It’s your problem – you need to get help'

I believe couples who are in a loving relationship need to work together on their relationship. Each needs to hear what the other is struggling with and understand each other's perspective and learn positive ways to support themselves and each other.

At the same time, each needs time to be able to talk honestly on their own about their fears and concerns around the relationship. Once they have done that, they often feel more comfortable sharing these with their partner.

I don't see any point in blaming the other, it's the relationship that's not working as well as it could !
So let's 'work together to fix that 

By working together in this unique way couples have experienced the following results  - 

  • Being happier and more relaxed with each other

  • Able to communicate freely, expressing their thoughts honestly without conflict

  • Feeling safe and secure emotionally and financially

  • Each are committed to the relationship even through the tough times

  • Their opinions are acknowledged respectfully and without criticism

  • Connected at a deeper level, and an equal partnership

  • A better understanding of each other  - even when they think there is nothing new to learn!

  • Secure in the knowledge that each is the most important person in the other's life

  • Supported by each other in personal challenges and goals

There is no time like the present,


To arrange an informal chat,click on the link below 

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