Updated: Jul 5
Asking for help is one of those things that people often shy away from. It’s fraught with that self-talk of –
‘I should be able to manage on my own '
‘I don’t want to bother them, as they have enough on their plates ‘
‘ I can manage, I’ll be ok ’
‘What if they say NO ’
‘They will think I’m stupid, and may laugh at me ’
‘They may dismiss me and tell me to get on with it '
'If I ask, that means I owe them '
'I don't know what to ask for'
'I don't trust I will get anything '
'I won't get what I asked fo r'
'I have to pretend that what I do get is enough when it isn't '
And so we may end up not asking and feeling really miserable, or neglected, continuing to struggle to cope alone.
We feel that no one really cares.
As a result, we feel lonely and isolated, believing that no one cares, sometimes falling into depression and anxiety, which can lead to mental health conditions, which people are worried, concerned and often frightened about.
Asking for Help often means allowing ourselves to be vulnerable, and that can really really scary. People think showing their vulnerability means exposing those parts they don't want others to see. The parts they see as a weakness. But if you think about it, it takes courage to do that and great strength.
Would you think your Best Friend was Weak by Asking for Help?
I'm sure you wouldn't. I'm also pretty sure that you would be kinder to your best friend than you are to yourself. So, I would ask you to be your own best friend and show yourself more kindness and compassion. We each need help at some time or another, and if I like to remind myself that even if I can't return the favour, I can pass it on, and offer to help someone else.
As my podcast guest, Liz Rotherham says we all have mental health. But it has such a stigma, and the words and phrases that people may use are cruel and unfeeling.
So those who are struggling, feel embarrassed and ashamed. They tell me that friends and family tell them to pull themselves together, get a grip, stop being a drama queen. Get out of bed, you are just being lazy! They are told there is nothing wrong with them! So, they are then loaded with shame and embarrassment on top of their mental health diagnosis. Which only deepens their feelings of isolation and failure.
A very different response to someone who has been diagnosed with cancer. Or someone who experienced a stroke.
I would also urge you to ask how they are feeling, and how it’s affecting them, rather than making assumptions that you know about the condition.
Right now, there is a huge rise in the number of people struggling with mental health Dis – ease. Added to which we are lacking sadly lacking in support and resources to help those suffering.
So, your kindness, non-judgemental concern, and support can go at least some way to easing their suffering.
I'll leave you with this thought, because one day you may be affected.
DON’T JUDGE SOMEONE TILL YOU’VE WALKED A MILE IN THEIR SHOES.
#98 - Liz Rotherham - The importance of being mindful of our language when talking to others
My guest is Liz Rotherham,
Liz Rotherham is an author, Mental Health and Wellbeing Mentor and Trainer - Heads2minds. https://heads2minds.co.uk/
Educating and raising awareness re Mental Health. Helping people change their mindset to a positive one and raise their vibration.
Liz is on a mission to change people from negativity into a positive mindset - working alongside other therapists to make a difference in people's lives
In this episode, Liz and I talked about the language people use, not only – but also in relation to mental health, When a parent draws attention to their daughter’s weight or comments made about someone’s lifestyle when you don’t really know what’s going on behind closed doors. Telling people to pull themselves together, when they share that they are feeling down, or clearly struggling emotionally. Just because you don’t understand their pain, it doesn’t mean it’s not real.
You can listen to it on your favourite podcast platform or click on the link below - https://love-listen-talk-repeat.libsyn.com/-liz-rotherham