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When you don’t feel heard or understood by your partner


Do you feel at times that your partner isn’t really listening, let alone that they understand you?

Do they  -

  • Finish your sentence before you have finished

  • Cut you off in the middle of a sentence

  • Start trying to solve the problem, before you have explained it all

  • Don’t check with you whether you want them to solve the problem

  • They are distracted when you are talking to them – watching TV/scrolling through their phone/ talking to someone else

  • Start talking about their day/problems

  • Tell you to stop complaining

It can feel like your partner doesn’t care about you, let alone understand you when this happens. You may have some exciting news that you want to share, that you have been saving up all day to talk about. Then they don’t seem interested, and your excitement is shattered, and it takes all the joy out of it.


Or perhaps you have had a rubbish day and you want to talk about it, because you feel that they will care enough to listen, even if they may not feel the same way about it as you. But, instead, they brush your feelings aside, dismiss them, or tell you that their day has been worse than yours!

So, you stop sharing things, communication breaks down, and you either bottle it up, or you talk to friends instead, or even turn to someone outside your relationship, which may end up in an affair because you feel they care more about you than your partner.


But you love your partner, and you don’t want your relationship to end as you have too much to love.

So, what can you do instead?


  • Listen to your partner, even though you may not understand

  • Enter into their world, however hard that may be

  • Don’t try and solve their problems, instead support them to deal with them in their own way

  • Don’t give advice – unless asked for

  • Ask them what they need, instead of what you think they need

  • Give them your full attention

  • Be respectful


Resist the temptation of blaming them/telling them how you would have handled it ‘better’

When you show your partner that you really care, and are interested in them, they feel valued. Not only that, they are more likely to listen to you, in return.

We all have busy lives, and it can be hard to find that time to listen to your partner, especially if you have had a bad or difficult tiring day yourself.  So, if you are unable to listen at that moment, be honest that you may not be in the right place to be there for them right then. Instead, offer them a time when you are able to do that. Just don’t dismiss them.


Acknowledge and empathise and keep your word, that you will set aside the time for them to listen.


Would you like some more help, then contact me and let's arrange a chat to see how I can help - https://live.vcita.com/site/wendycapewell/online-scheduling?service=xswb7wemkadz1g23


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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