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The saddest comments I've heard from women, said in front of their male partners have been –
‘Call yourself a man?’
‘You can’t even provide for us’
‘You’re not a blokey guy’
So, what do women want from their male partners? On the one hand to be strong and protective, but on the other hand, they want them to be in touch with their feminine side.
Hang on, those same men were boys who were told not to cry, not act like a girl - mostly by their fathers.
Fathers and grandfathers who were brought up to push down their emotions. But it's not just their dads, there were also times when women told their young sons to tough it out even when they were hurt, whereas girls were cuddled and comforted.
Nowadays, women want their men to be in touch with their feminine side, open up and talk. But men are behind women when it comes to emotional intelligence. They don’t know how to show their emotions, as they haven’t been taught how to. Many grew up in families where emotions weren’t shown. They just got pushed down. They just got on with it.
They often feel completely at a loss when they see a woman cry. They want to fix the problem, but when there is no fix, they are lost. So, they shut down, and walk away.
It's often said that men don’t talk, that they avoid difficult conversations, and that they bottle up their emotions because it's so alien to them to open up and allow themselves to be vulnerable. And there is some truth in that. They often put on a brave face, hiding their emotions behind a hard exterior. But often behind that protective mask is often a frightened guy. Feeling shame that he can’t fix things, embarrassed that he is a ‘failure’.
No wonder there are so many men ending their own lives. It’s heartbreaking that so many men feel there is no other option than to take their own lives.
The Office of National Statistics figures for 2022 reported that men are 3 times more likely to die by suicide than women in the UK. The highest suicide rate in men was aged 50-54. And that the figures were higher in the more deprived areas.
So, what can we do to support those guys who are struggling? How can we encourage them to open up?
Start by tuning into their conversations.
Allow them to feel heard
Show them respect
Stop stereotyping them
Suggest they join a Mens Group, such as Andy’s Man Club. There are increasing groups opening up around the country, where men can meet and chat - https://andysmanclub.co.uk/
Encourage them to speak to their GP if they show signs that they may be suffering from anxiety or depression.
Suggest they seek a professional, such as a counsellor, where they can get support.
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