Do you find yourself feeling like you are on a Roller-Coaster in your relationship?
The highs are really high, but the lows are incredibly low. You enjoy the passion of the highs, and feel that’s the only way you can achieve it.
The problem here is that it takes a huge amount of emotional energy to maintain this kind of relationship. Switching between the emotional highs and lows is draining. Leading to uncertainty about your partner and the relationship. This can be mistaken for passion, because of the tension created. It also means that you don’t have the energy for other areas of your life, and they can become neglected, often putting your job and other relationships at risk, as well as your wellbeing.
This kind of behaviour often develops in childhood. Maybe, it was the only kind of relationship pattern you have been exposed to, either because you experienced an unstable relationship with your caregiver, and so it's your norm. Perhaps you crave the love and attention you didn’t receive from them and you feel it’s the only way you can get your needs met. Or maybe that was the kind of relationship your parents had and you don’t know any other way of relating, and so try to recreate the same environment, quite probably out of your awareness.
You persuade yourself that when it's good it's really good and the lows are worth it. But its certainly not a healthy way of connecting, especially if its an emotionally abusive relationship. If one person – or even both is undermining the other, being angry and aggressive one minute and loving the next. This kind of relationship can cause anxiety and depression and loss of confidence. It can also have an impact on the children in your life.
If you find yourself in this kind of relationship, it’s important to find a way of levelling out the highs and lows, whilst still maintaining the passion. If you can't get out of this pattern alone, then seek professional help.
If you would like a confidential chat, then email me at - firstname.lastname@example.org