Relationships are really tricky, even though love and connection are basic human needs. If that’s the case, it makes you wonder why are relationships so difficult?
When you meet someone and fall in love, you believe that you can deal with anything that is thrown at you, that this is the one.
Romantic love or honeymoon period as it's sometimes referred to is magical, and I never knock it. I think it's an amazing feeling. You are completely absorbed by each other and they fill your mind. Wanting to be with each other all the time. Love is effortless……..
But that is often due to the love hormones fully working, They play a part in creating the attraction to each other. But they start login their potency between 6 months to 2 years. It’s often after that period that any cracks begin to show.
Petty arguments arise, and you may start to wonder if you have made a mistake. You may also worry that this relationship could mirror the relationship your parents had, which may have ended in divorce, or it may remind you of previous relationships that didn’t end well. And this is something you want to avoid at all costs.
Or perhaps you have been in a relationship for a number of years, and you feel that you have lost connection, it’s become boring, and you don’t have anything in common anymore.
The grass looks greener on the other side
You see other couples who seem to be much happier than you
You are scared of getting hurt
You just aren’t feeling it anymore
Today’s society has created a need for instant gratification
If it doesn’t meet our needs anymore, let's dispose of it. Get something that makes us feel good – now.
There is really no shame attached to divorce nowadays. In fact, at times it's seen as a badge of honour. You are seen as getting out while you could. Whereas in previous generations, divorce really was seen as shameful. So couples worked at it much harder than now.
Yes, it takes hard work, that takes effort, commitment, patience, and energy. But it should feel enjoyable!
If you learn a new skill, you have to use a lot of those things I just mentioned in learning that skill and it doesn’t stop there. Because if you stop bothering, and don’t practice that skill regularly, you will lose it. Whether, it's a hobby, such as drawing or painting, or getting fit at the gym.
Relationships are no different. But the hard work you put into it doesn’t mean it should be miserable. You don’t feel miserable when you achieve other skills. Instead, you get enjoyment out of doing them as well as a sense of achievement.
There are no guarantees in life. Least of all in relationships.
But leaving without giving it time and energy isn’t always the answer. Yes, there will be conflict, it’s a fact that all relationships experience conflict. But instead of avoiding it, hone your skills into finding a way of fighting fairly, and finding a resolution.
Find new ways of connecting, try new things together. Inject energy and excitement into the relationship. A neglected relationship is likely to wither and die, just like a seedling that isn’t given the right kind of nurturing.
Step back and look at your contributions to the relationship, and decide to take steps to make changes. Don’t wait for the other person, they may well be doing the same, and that will only result in stalemate.
If after all of that, it really isn’t working, then at least you can walk away, knowing you have given it your all.
Any parent of teens will know how tricky and frustrating it can be. It seems at times it's like they are from another planet from the rest of us! So, it was good to interview Kari O'Driscoll and get some tips from her.
The Love ~Listen~Talk~Repeat Podcast with Wendy Capewell
#121 - The Importance of Creating a Good Connection With Your Teen - with Kari O'Driscoll
Kari O’Driscoll is a writer and parenting coach. Her most recent book came out about a month ago and it's called, "Happy, Healthy Teens: Why Focusing on Relationships Works"
WHAT WE TALKED ABOUT -
Teenage years can be really tough for both the teen and their parents. It's often a time when relationships break down as the child transitions from child to young adult. So whilst they can be challenging times, it’s really important for the connection between the parent and teen to be nurtured.
The importance of a connection with your teen
How to navigate through the difficulties and make things less fraught for you both
Why it’s important for parents to understand the role of power and how power actually destroys relationships.
Supporting your teen to take those faltering steps and spread their wings, knowing you are there in the background cheering them on.
Here is the link to listen to the episode - https://love-listen-talk-repeat.libsyn.com/
Or you can catch it wherever you listen to podcasts.