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What is considered cheating and how to heal the relationship
Cheating is being emotionally or sexually unfaithful to your partner with whom you are in a monogamous relationship with. Being intimate sexually or emotionally with another person is usually considered cheating, Even having a secret friend that your partner doesn’t know about.
It’s become more blurred with the advent of social media, and mobile phones.
Flirting and erotic text conversations whilst they may seem innocent to you, ask yourself how you might feel if your partner did that.
Each couple needs to talk to each other and define what is acceptable and what isn’t.
Disconnection
When a relationship is neglected, your partner may feel unloved, and not valued. It can leave them with low self esteem, and they want to feel a sense of worth.
Imbalance
There are relationships where one feels like they are the parent, rather than the partner, or that they are being treated like a child.
Fear of commitment
When there is a fear of commitment, your partner may cheat. Fearful of taking responsibility or feeling tied down.
Object Affair
Porn, mobile phones, work, hobbies, alcohol, gambling. All of these take the person away from the relationship.
Revenge Affair
The revenge affair is often because your partner is angry about something you have done, or because you have cheated on them.
The Exit
There are occasions where your partner may not have the courage to tell you they don’t want to be with you any more, so cheating is a sure-fire way of ending the relationship.
Opportunity
Perhaps as a result of travelling alone, working late, at an office function, or finding that a work colleague seems interesting or a good listening ear.
Escapism
Cheating allows someone to escape from everyday life. Often because they are bored with what they have and crave excitement they feel they are missing in their current relationship. Maybe they enjoy the thrill of the chase. Or the excitement of a new relationship is missing.
How to tell if your partner is cheating on you
Smartphones and Social Media have made it much easier for people to cheat on their partners, but it also makes it easier to get discovered!
So what are the warning signs?
• Changes in phone habits. Spending more time on their phones, tablets, and laptops. It doesn’t necessarily mean your partner is cheating, it is a possibility.
• If your partner doesn’t take a call, or goes out of the room to take it, it may be a business call but if they are cagey about the caller or if it’s happening more often, then it could be a sign they are straying.
• Your partner may become more distant, but some people become more caring because they feel so guilty. So be aware of any changes in their behaviour towards you.
• Have they started going out with their friends more frequently or working later. Or starting to go on more business trips. These can all be pointers.
If you have suspicions don’t start by accusing your partner in an aggressive way. It can be tempting to check their phone, credit card entries, or social media but it’s much better to talk to your partner. You can tell quite a lot by their body language, attitude, and facial expressions. You will probably sense if they aren’t telling the truth.
How to heal a relationship after cheating
If you have been cheated on, accept your feelings. You may feel shock, anger, disappointment, confusion and sadness. Understand that you are bound to be grieving.
If you are the one who has cheated, I can’t impress on you how important honesty is. Trying to ‘save’ your partner’s feelings, doesn’t work. Trust has been broken and hiding things only compound their lack of trust.
Accept that it’s going to take time to rebuild trust. Often the person who cheated wants to move on.
Be prepared to put in the work - together.
Don’t play the blame game. Instead, use the ‘I’ statement, it's really powerful rather than trying to put the blame onto your partner and being defensive. Once you use ‘You’ the other person is likely to feel attacked and it going to lead to conflict.
Decide what each of your can do to begin to heal the relationship. Is it working less? Setting aside time for each other, and your relationship?
Avoid talking to others outside your relationship, unless it’s someone feel won’t take sides. This is a time when a professional can really help. They don’t know either of you and aren’t biased.
Be committed to making it work. It’s going to take time and hard work. By making your partner and your relationship a priority you have a much better chance of making it work. But it will take time. So be patient with yourself and your partner.
PODCAST NEWS
The Love~Listen~Talk~Repeat podcast with Wendy Capewell
#120 -How Breathing Correctly Has a Positive Effect on Us- Tiffany O'Hearn
Because breathing is something we do automatically, we don't give it much thought.
But, I feel strongly that we don't breathe correctly, We really need to breathe intentionally, and my guest this week, Tiffany O' Hearn offers some interesting insights.
You can listen to it here - https://love-listen-talk-repeat.libsyn.com/
Or wherever you listen to your podcasts.