Relationships aren’t easy.
But when you first fell in love, I guess your thoughts and hopes were that you would get through the tough times together. You were full of optimism that your relationship would be just like those fairy tales we read as children.
After all, Cinderella was whisked away by a handsome prince from a life of bullying and drudgery. Her fantasy was that she would no longer have to wear rags, banished to the kitchen to scrub floors for the rest of her life.
I guess his fantasy was that he would have this amazing woman on his arm who would always look glamorous, and meet his every need. I wonder if that included grooming and mucking out his horse and ironing his immaculate white uniform? I bet his uniform would be a devil to get the stains out of after a day on a sweaty horse! But never mind, she would have those glass slippers to look forward to wearing!
Have you ever considered that fairy stories are a cliffhanger?
We don’t hear about what happened after they rode off into the sunset. It’s left to us to daydream about that happy ever after.
AFTER THE HONEYMOON PERIOD YOU ARE FACED WITH THE REALITY OF DAILY LIFE.
The happy ever after fairytale endings don’t mention – Living with another person in your space, with each of your different personalities, opinions, and niggling habits, becomes magnified not only when you are living together 24/7 but you probably didn’t pay much attention to before.
External pressures, such as -
Employment problems – redundancies etc.
The sleepless nights and demands of children
Juggling full- time jobs with all the other pressures of life
Illness, sometimes, chronic and debilitating
Responsibilities of extended family members
Death of close ones
WITH ALL OF THIS GOING ON, SOMETHING HAS TO GIVE –
And it’s likely to be the relationship. After all, you reason, your partner will understand. But they don’t understand being snapped at because you are constantly tired, or that you don’t pay them any attention. So, what happens is that you drift apart, and communication becomes transactional conversations about the daily trivial stuff. The magic has gone.
At that point, it seems the best plan is to look for someone else who ignites the romance and passion that had been extinguished in your current relationship. All too often, the same pattern continues. But the fairy tales don’t tell you that do they?
The Love~Listen~Talk~Repeat podcast with Wendy Capewell -
131 - Gloria Lee - How our Childhood Patterns of Behaviour Play out in Adulthood
Dr. Gloria Lee is a clinical psychologist, author, and educator. She’s the Clinical Director at Brentwood Counselling Centre in Vancouver, Canada and Professor of Counselling Psychology at the University of British Columbia. She is married to Clark and has 3 children.
WHAT WE TALK ABOUT
Gloria started by sharing the typical profile of the couples who seek her help. She then went on to share the top 3 problems that couples come with -
No.1 Communication conflict.
No.2 Arguing about the division of labour or chores or responsibilities
No.3 When one partner is actually done with the marriage and the other one wants to save it.
We then went on to share how our childhood adaptive behaviours have an impact on our current relationships, If you want to learn more about how to resolve some of the issues mentioned above, then listen in. Or get a copy of her book – The Kick Ass Couple – 7 Secrets to Transform Your Relationship here
If you are struggling in your relationship, don't ignore it. Don't wait until the resentments are so ingrained that you have reached the point of no return. Seek help and support. I'm always available for a chat - firstname.lastname@example.org