When you are stressed, and feel under pressure, you can start having doubts around your relationship, maybe because you are more emotionally charged, or because you are spending more time than usual together.
Is it just a rough patch or have I fallen out of love with my partner?
Relationships can be really tricky, and the problem is that we are fed this misinformation of what relationships should look like. We also have this perception around us that every other couple we know is absolutely wonderful and that they are really happy and never hit those bumps in the road.
So, when you hit a difficult patch in your relationship, it’s no wonder whether love has completely gone, or is it just a rough patch. Those are often the times when there are other contributing factors going on. Such as illness, a new baby, loss of a job, death of a loved one, moving house, money problems just to name just a few!
So, how do you know if you have hit a rough patch or if you really have fallen out of love with your partner?
Here are some of the warning signs to look out for -
• You start taking each other for granted, and stop expressing your love for them, cuddles, kissing and sex diminish, or even cease all together.
• You are constantly arguing often over the same thing, and there is no resolution. Happy couples find a way of finding a solution, unhappy couples get stuck in a power struggle.
• You no longer make plans for the future. Whether for next week, next month, or next year, because you can’t see a long-term future together.
• Communication breaks down. When you are in love with someone, you are interested in them and want to learn everything about them. Sadly, as love diminishes so does communication, because you have lost interest in each other. You only speak to each other when you have to, and usually about the routine things in everyday life.
• You start having a wandering eye finding others more interesting, more attractive than your current partner.
• You only notice the negative traits of your partner, only the negative memories of past events you shared.
• You compare your relationship with those around you, feeling jealous of what you perceive their relationship is like.
• You no longer have the same outlooks, aspirations or goals. You begin drifting apart.
• You no longer enjoy each other’s company.
Does it mean our relationship is broken?
If after reading the above list, you recognise some of these things, does it mean there is no hope? My response to that is, it depends on whether you both want to stay together, and want to make it work.
How to reconnect and reignite the love in your relationship.
• The first step is communication. Sit down and have an honest conversation with each other. Share your thoughts and feelings with each other, and own them! Rather than putting the blame on your partner. It’s far better to start your conversation with ‘ I Think..... '– I Feel,,,,,' rather than ‘ You make me feel....... ’ ‘You are….’' It's your fault.....'
If emotions are running too high, then consider writing to each other instead.
• Instead of noticing all your partner’s negative traits or habits, ( which we all have,) such as the way they clear their throat, tell the same jokes over and over again, take forever to get ready, try to be more kind and compassionate towards them. Instead, try focussing on their good and less irritating traits.
• Start paying attention to them, as you did when you first met. Compliment them on what they are wearing, the way they smile, the colour of their eyes. Once you start noticing those things you are more likely to see them in a more positive way.
• Remind yourself of what made you fall in love with them in the beginning. Chat about those memories, look at photos, listen to music together, wander down memory lane. The holidays, days out, funny things that happened. Often these can rekindle the love that got love.
• Carve out time together – not with your kids, or friends. Time together, alone. Date nights are very popular, and often couples tell me they can’t afford the time or financial cost. But you can plan an evening at home, with a nice meal and a bottle of wine. Cuddle up and watch a movie together. Play a board game or cards, Have some fun together, Put away your laptop, your phone!
• Intimacy is really important, and that means affection, as well as sex. Without affection sex can become boring and lack excitement or passion. Hugs and passionate kisses activate those feel-good and love hormones.
If you are struggling, then seek out some professional help and support. It can often help to have an independent person who is totally impartial, without any hidden agenda.
One of the subjects that can cause issues within a relationship is the subject of money. So, it was really nice to have Emily Blain as a guest on my podcast. Whilst she works mostly with engaged couples, she offers some great advice.
The Love~Listen~Talk~Repeat Podcast with Wendy Capewell
#114 - Let's talk about Money, Money, Money with Emily Blain
One of the subjects that many couples don’t talk about is Money! Each person has their own relationship with money, often due to their upbringing, whether there was an abundance of money or lack of money in their family. As a result, they will have their own perceptions of how money should be spent or not! Emily and I discuss these and how to overcome some of those assumptions, without fighting.
I WAS RECENTLY INTERVIEWED ON KAREN ROBERT'S PODCAST
It's lovely to be invited onto other's podcasts, and this was no exception. Karen Robert's invited me to talk about my view on the recent increase in Social Anxiety.
You can listen to it here- Coffee with Karen -
Do get in touch, let me know if you need some help and support or what you think of the podcasts.
Until next time,