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How negativity can ruin a relationship

I hear so many women complaining about their partner.

  • He doesn’t think the same way, he just doesn’t seem to

  • He just doesn’t understand how you are feeling

  • He can’t multitask, so I'm doing things twice as fast, while he seems to take forever

  • He leaves his clothes all over the floor

  • When you want to talk things through, he doesn’t and goes into his man cave.

  • He complains you are always talking on the phone, whereas he hardly ever calls his friends

  • He doesn’t notice when the house is messy - and I'm continually clearing up after him

I'm going to share a story about an incident in my past

I remember when my children were very small, I left them with my husband, I ensured he had everything they needed. I enough prepared all the food for them. He just had to heat it up.

I went off for a really needed afternoon out, a break from the children, as much as I loved them, being a fulltime mum at that time. Just going to the loo on my own was heaven!

I had a great time, I went to the hairdressers, then met friends for lunch and some retail therapy. I felt happy and relaxed.

When I returned, the house was a mess.

They had eaten, but the dirty dishes were piled up, their toys were strewn from the front door to the back door, and in every corner of every room.

My heart sank, I felt my day was ruined. It wasn’t worth going out if I had to come back and face this! My face showed my annoyance.

What I failed to notice was that the children were happy, spending time with dad. Their faces beamed as they rushed to show me the things they had made and tell me what a wonderful day they had. They beamed from ear to ear, as did my husband.

They were so pleased to see me. But instead of noticing that, I grumbled and complained about what I saw as a mess. Their faces fell, and they looked really miserable as I got them to help put their toys away, and then go to bed.

I actually sulked with my husband! I was like a spoiled brat.

It feels really shameful to own up to that,but its true. I told him that when I had the children day in day out, I had to multitask and put the toys away, and clear the dishes, and do every other household chore.

  • I forgot that my husband worked long hours, sometimes not able to get home until after the kids had gone to bed.

  • I forgot that he missed out so much while he was working hard to give us a comfortable life.

  • I forgot that he often spent weekends decorating, maintaining the garden.

  • I forgot all the other things he did, like ensuring my car was filled with fuel.

  • I forgot what a loving husband and dad he was.

  • I forgot he bought me flowers when he popped out to get the paper

  • I forgot how he had to et up at the crack of dawn to commute to his job, crammed in a commuter train.

It’s so easy to complain about the things others don’t do, instead of focussing on the things they do.

It didn’t take long to tidy the toys and clear the dishes. If only I had acted differently that day, it would have added to happy memories. If only I had greeted them all with smiles and hugs. If only I had told my husband how much I appreciated having a day to myself. If only I had asked him to help put the children to bed and clear up. If only I had thought about him and what his life was like, and all the things he did for us. That he also needed a day off sometimes.

Sometimes we get so caught up in our own stuff, we can so easily dismiss others' feelings. When we are in a relationship, we need to remember the other person isn’t supposed to be a replica of us. Think about how boring that would be.

We are in a partnership, and sharing things together, the happy fun times as well as the chores.

We each have strengths, that compliment each other. So, It's important to think about those and celebrate them.

I learned that day how easy it is to crush the happiness and joy of others by thoughtless, selfish behaviour.

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