I guess we are all aware of how trusting a small child is, and how precious it is that they put their trust in us. As a child ourselves we would have trusted those around us, parents and caregivers to take care of us and not let us down. our early experiences can form our beliefs around trust. That sense of feeling safe and secure.
As we form older and form other relationships we still want to feel safe and that we can trust the other person, that they won't let us down, in whatever form that relationship takes –
The most important being our romantic partner.
Let's start by exploring what trust means in a relationship.
Trusting someone means that you think they are reliable, you have confidence in them and you feel safe with them physically and emotionally.
You can’t demand or prove trust; trusting someone is a choice that you make. Trust is a very important aspect of any relationship, and it doesn’t happen overnight.
It takes time to build trust in another person. It means you have the confidence in them that they will not just talk the talk, but they will also walk the walk!
Trusting too easily
Trust takes time, and if you find yourself immediately trusting someone when you meet them, I would question whether you are too trusting and in that situation are you setting yourself up to fail?
Trust means each person needs to allow yourselves to be vulnerable and open up, and it needs mutual commitment. But this needs to happen gradually. If you open up too quickly and share personal things, you may regret it later, if things don’t work out.
Trust means having confidence in someone that they will be honest and have integrity.
You trust that they will be truthful with you. Once you catch someone out in a lie, you start doubting what they tell you.
Respect plays a large part in trust.
If someone belittles you, making you feel embarrassed they aren’t showing you respect. Any kind of belittling, teasing or putting down is not acceptable even if the other person tries to convince they are only joking that you are lacking a sense of humour. When someone does that we are unlikely to feel comfortable sharing things with them in case they break your trust and use it against you.
Can you rebuild trust if your trust has been broken by someone in the past?
This is a tricky one because if you have been let down in the past you are going to be wary. You won't let your guard down readily. But equally it's important to recognise that its unfair to compare current relationships with someone who broke your trust in the past.
If you are struggling to trust- then it's important to work through it and not put it on the other person by checking up on them. If you find yourself doing that, then maybe you aren’t ready to enter into a relationship right now.
If you are struggling with any of the issues above email me - firstname.lastname@example.org