Have you heard of the 5 Love Languages?
It's a fascinating concept, and can help you learn more about yourself as well as your partner.
Gary Chapman wrote a book called the 5 Love Languages and for many, this has been a revelation, when it comes to their relationship, and a realisation of things they weren’t aware of, even when they had been in that relationship for a long time.
You don't have to be in a relationship to explore or have some understanding of this. But, it can give you more insight as to how you give and receive affection.
Have you ever wondered why when you have bought your partner a gift they haven't shown any real excitement? Or why you find it hard to say those words 'I love you?' It could have something to do with your love language.
1) Physical touch
Are you one of those who enjoy tactile connection? This could include hand-holding, hugging, cuddles, even a touch on an arm, which can mean a lot to you. You most likely enjoy hand or body massages too, as you find touch calming and reassuring.
2) Quality time
You thrive and feel loved when your partner gives you their undivided attention. That means, no other distractions whatsoever, including TV, phones, or others being around. You want to feel you are the most important person in your partner’s life at that moment. It can include preparing a meal together, making future plans together,
3) Receiving Gifts
You are someone who appreciates and flourishes when you receive gifts. It’s about the thoughtfulness behind the gift. The right gift is important to you because it means you are understood as a person, and it means a lot that your partner has put thought and effort into understanding you. It’s not about the size of the gift either.
4) Acts of service
You are someone who appreciates someone taking some of your load, and responsibility. Maybe it's carrying out chores or ensuring you are financially secure. It could also be making a surprise meal. Being treated to breakfast in bed, which allows you to stay in bed longer and chill.
5) Words of affirmation
You are someone who needs to hear their partner say ‘I love you ‘, and it's even better if you hear the reasons why. You appreciate little notes thanking you for something you have done or reassurances that you are an ok person, affirming that you are loved. You really appreciate words of kindness and appreciation, ‘thank you, that was really nice of you.
Once you understand your Love Languages, you have a better understanding of yourself, and what makes you feel loved and appreciated, as well as understanding why things your partner does really don’t land well with you.
If you don’t understand your partner’s Love Language, you are in danger of missing some vital information, and responding to your partner in your love language and not theirs. You can see how this can create real problems and dissatisfaction on both sides. Your partner will feel unloved and you feel resentful, and disgruntled.
I believe we can have several primary love languages, it’s just figuring out which are yours and which are those of your partner. You may recognise them intuitively, or you may have already figured them out.
Here is the link to a quiz you can do - https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/love-language
#119 - Why Marriage no.7 is successful, despite him being in prison. - Jo Ann Richards
. Jo Ann Richards is a native Californian now living in Portland OR. She has a thriving bookkeeping practice called Jo Ann Richards Bookkeeping. She is the mother of a grown daughter and proud grandmother of three. She dramatically changed her life after six marriages that included abuse, divorce, and death. Husband seven is incarcerated for a crime he didn't commit. In May 2021 she published MIDLIFE MAGIC.
In this episode Jo Ann talks briefly about her previous relationships and why they didn’t last. She also talks about her current relationship, how she met her husband, who is in prison, and how their relationship has been so different from the others. Despite the constraints of him being in prison, meaning they can’t live together, they have been married for over 20 years. Jo Ann said they work hard at communicating, especially as some of the time it has to be by letter, which can create misunderstandings.
You can listen to the podcast here - https://love-listen-talk-repeat.libsyn.com/ or on your favourite podcast platform. It's a fascinating interview with Jo Ann sharing some really great insights. So do have a listen and let me know what you think.