It’s really not too late. Too often couples get caught up in the routine of life and forget to have fun. They tell me their relationships are boring, they don’t have time for each other, because they are too busy. Their lives are made up of work, eat, chores, sleep.
Is that what you were looking for when you met each other?
Is that how you wanted your life together to be?
When you first met did you look into each other’s eyes, and tell each other that you wanted to be bored, take each other for granted, and finally fall out of love with each other? Did you share how exciting it would be to spend the precious time together arguing? Taking verbal chunks out of each other. Because that is how so many relationships end up.
Or did you get excited at seeing each other, feel a rush of passion when you kissed. Did you spend your time having fun, not worrying about what you were doing, just enjoying each other? Did you spend time making plans, not worrying whether they would come true, just daydreaming? Did you tell each other that nothing would get in the way of your love and commitment to your relationship? You had no thoughts that your relationship would be nothing but a healthy one.
You probably didn’t have the responsibilities and commitments you have now, and it takes more effort after a long day at work and/or parenting. You are probably too tired, and because they *know* that you love them, they will understand.
So many couples tell me that they will be spending quality time together when they go on holiday, which could be months ahead. Or they tell me they have family time planned with the kids, which is not the same as having time together and investing in their relationship.
You need to take time out EVERY DAY to invest in your relationship, because if you don’t you are likely to drift apart, losing that valuable connection.
So, instead of that peck on the cheek, and that mechanical ‘ love you’ as you walk out the door, really look at your partner, and give them a real meaningful kiss. Because you know what? That will ignite some feelings for each other.
Notice them, the colour of their eyes, their hair, their body, what they are wearing. And whilst I’m talking about what you are wearing, those grubby old jogging bottoms are really not attractive! Any more than unwashed body, beard, hair, teeth………….Yuk!
Pay them a compliment, tell them how you love it when they smile, their quirky laugh. Send them a cheeky emoji during the day.
I know dates nights have become cliched, but they are important. You don’t have to go out, although it is good to do so, without others. Time out with friends and family doesn’t count. But you can plan an evening together. Let the kids know that this is your time. Just as much as they don’t want you hanging around when they are with their friends, you don’t want them around all the time either. It’s not just good for your relationship, but you are modelling to them what a healthy relationship looks like.
Arrange a movie night with popcorn, or nibbles. Snuggle up on the sofa together. Play card games, board games. There is a great App called ‘The Gottman Card Deck’ which has lots of ideas. Just Google it, as it depends on where you download your Apps from.
Look out old photos, play the music you enjoyed, when you met, dance with each other.
Because if you don’t, you are likely to find your relationship has gone.
If you would like to arrange a chat to see whether I can help you get your relationship back on track just click on the link to arrange a call - https://www.wendycapewell.co.uk/contact-me