These arguments can go on for years, and never get resolved. They may have a slightly different slant to them, but the essence behind them is the same. And for sure so will the outcome.
Not only that but with each re-enactment, you get into an entrenched position, drifting apart, or deciding to end the relationship, which in itself causes more misery, and heartache, especially where children are involved. It involves both a financial and emotional cost.
You love each other, but you just can’t see any other way.
All too often there is a much deeper hurt beneath what is seen and spoken about on the surface. What seems to be trivial issues are masking much deeper ones, and they mount up to provide evidence that there is something much worse going on, evidence that endorses your greater fears.
Each time your partner dismisses your concerns, switches off, refuses to talk about it, walks away or gets angry, it makes you feel -
Your confidence hits rock bottom
BUT WHAT IF THERE WAS ANOTHER - BETTER WAY?
Well, I want to assure you there is!
But it means you need to be prepared to change the way in which you respond to each other. It isn’t going to come easy, but it has to be worth the effort if you really love each other and want to rekindle the love you had for each other when you first met.
LISTENING IS THE FIRST STEP
I mean attentive listening, not whilst scrolling through your phone at the same time, which is bound to irritate and inflame the situation.
Acknowledge what the other person has to say – you don’t have to agree, but they have a right to voice their opinion, and feel their opinion is valued.
Resist the temptation to defend yourself, retaliate, placate or generalise.
Be curious and interested. If this subject has been brought up many times before, gently ask them why it's still bothering them
Empathise with them. Just because you don’t see it as an issue, doesn’t mean your partner shouldn’t be affected. We aren’t clones of each other, and probably what attracted you to each other were your differences.
Changes won’t happen overnight, especially if this has been going on for a long time. So be compassionate and kind to yourself and each other.
If you are still struggling, get in touch, and let's arrange a chat to see how I can help you - firstname.lastname@example.org