I'm Wendy Capewell, more than just a Coach, Psychotherapist and Counsellor
I realise that one size doesn't fit all. That's the reason I don't have a set process or any kind of programme. What I do think is important is the relationship between myself and clients. You need to feel comfortable with me, in order for you to feel safe to explore what is troubling you. Then together we can discover and find solutions that work for you.
That's why the different methodologies, together with a lifetime of personal experience and my specialist training in trauma, enable us to explore more deeply into the root of the problem. Once we identify that, we can work together to find a long lasting solution.
My Personal Story
I love my life, I'm happy and content, living in a lovely part of England, surrounded by beautiful countryside. The proud mum of two amazing daughters, a fabulous son-in-law and two beautiful granddaughters.
But it hasn't always been plain sailing any more than I imagine it has been for most of you. I have certainly experienced some unpleasant bumps in the road of life. few.
An only child whose parent’s marriage wasn’t a happy one. They each had their own issues, which sadly impacted on me.
At the age of four, I contracted polio, paralysed down my right side and was hospitalised in isolation for several months. My parents weren’t allowed into my room, so you can imagine how frightened and confused I felt. Obviously, they were too, especially as two years earlier my younger sister had died at birth
Luckily I made a full recovery, but my parents were very protective, discouraging me from being adventurous. At the same time, my mother was controlling, withdrawing for long periods, without explanation, leaving me worried about what I had done wrong. My father was withdrawn and because I was anxious around them both I was always trying to do the right thing, walking on eggshells.
I felt a desperate need to be accepted and gain approval from just about everyone around me, I became a people-pleaser, trying to be what they wanted. Impossible as I couldn’t read their minds!
Finally, and not surprisingly when I was 15 my dad had a nervous breakdown which was really frightening for me, and distracted me at a crucial exam time and adversely affected the results.
As I transitioned into adulthood I craved the love, attention and acceptance I missed out on in childhood. Instead, I had few friends and my lack of self-worth meant I made some really bad choices in friendships and relationships,
I finally I met and married a lovely man, and we had two beautiful daughters. Happy at last, in a secure relationship and a loving family – or so I thought.
Several years into the relationship, my husband told me he didn’t love me anymore, and that he had met someone else. Amidst all of this, I suffered a bout of depression. We tried to repair the marriage but sadly we just didn’t have the tools to do so, and it finally ended.
I was left bringing up my two daughters alone, with virtually no support from their dad, or anyone else. I had moved house to get a job so I had no friends either. Anyone who has brought up children alone will know how difficult it is. Trying to hold down a job to support us all, with no childcare, and hardly any money was tough. Let alone the emotional side of it all.
But we managed. I experienced a series of redundancies, but I worked hard at my career and studied to obtain some accounting qualifications, which meant my confidence grew and my career was taking off. But it never felt quite right. I didn’t really enjoy working in that environment.
On the exterior, I appeared full of confidence and able to tackle anything, but inside I was really unhappy.
We moved to a new house, a beautiful old cottage, and life seemed good. We were financially better off, which took some of the weight off me.
The Dreaded C - Word
Just when I felt I had picked myself up and got my life back on track I was diagnosed with breast cancer, and again my world came crashing down around my ears. My girls were now young women, so luckily not dependent on me.
Two years of surgery and treatment left me emotionally and physically drained. I had to sell my beautiful cottage and move to something smaller, as well as getting a new job. But I made a full recovery!
Time for some Life Changes - but not my best decisions!
Moving to the south coast meant a smaller mortgage, and what I felt would be a better work/life balance.
I found a job, but soon reverted to the old routine of working long hours with all the stress that it entailed.
I met a guy who I had reservations about, from the start. He had issues going back to his childhood, but in my naivety, I didn’t listen to my sensible voice and began a relationship with him. He had lost his wife to breast cancer, just a few years before. Because of my poor body image I felt at least he would accept me, because of that.
At the start, he was kind and caring, but soon his behaviour changed and he became controlling.He became emotionally abusive. I became scared, undermined and lacked the little confidence I previously had. It took me several attempts, but I finally got out.
As a result of a very lengthy and acrimonious divorce I was left homeless, emotionally broken and financially in a very bad place.
It Wasn't All His Fault
You may be surprised by that statement. I'm not condoning my partner's abusive behaviour towards me for one moment. No-one has the right to be emotionally abusive to another. But there were reasons why he lacked trust, and was unable to control his angry outbursts.
My partner had been physically, mentally and sexually abused as a child. which had left him extremely damaged. I was totally unaware at that time as to the effects it had on him and on our relationship.
He was abused by the adults in his life who he should have had trust in.
Childhood abuse can have long lasting devastating effects in adulthood and their relationships.
Building a New Life
I realised something had to change in me! I needed to stop feeling I wasn’t good enough, people-pleasing and get back my confidence and self-esteem.
I moved house away from all the bad memories, and started a new job.
I trained as a counsellor and psychotherapist and learned a great deal about me, as well as human behaviour in general.
I don't need to compare myself to anyone else. I am my own person and "Good Enough"
Why I'm sharing my story
This is not a ‘poor me’ story, nor am I sharing it to prove I have ‘triumphed over adversity’.
It’s about me being transparent, and that I have real-life experiences as well as training and qualifications.
I can’t and won’t profess to understand what you are feeling because the effects of your experiences are likely to be very different to mine. But because I have had these bumps in the road, I am more able to help and support you with whatever you bring.
As a result of that relationship I needed to learn more about childhood traumas
and how the effects are carried into adulthood.
For more than 15 years I have helped 100's of men and women who are struggling with something that's affecting their life. I don't treat the 'label or diagnosis' I want to find out how it affects you and your life. Sometimes it can relate to past events that create a block now. Those patterns we adopt can continue until we identify them and then acknowledge they no longer serve us. Only then can we make the choice to make those positive changes to achieve what You want in your life..
I would love to help you achieve your dreams and aspirations and the things you want in it, rather than trying to fit into other peoples. I will help you discover what you want and to have the self-belief that you can have it. I will guide and support you every step of the way, just as I have with many others.
You can find out more here, and read some of the success stories ......
I have a wide experience of working with couples who have lost the connection between them. They often find communication has broken down. and they are almost at the point of ending the relationship. But, they love each other, and that is not what they really want.
I also have a real passion is to help couples understand the underlying issues that stop them from having the relationship they want, especially where one of both are affected by a childhood traumatic event.
Whilst many coaches and therapists encourage the person who has experienced the trauma to go away and work on it alone, I believe it makes much more sense for the couple to work together through this.
Both are affected - so both need to understand each other's perspective and how they can help and support each other.
At the same time each needs time and space to work through their concerns alone. In my experience it allows them to share their feelings with each other.